How to Help a Friend

Responding with compassion, validation, and support when an individual discloses that they may have been a victim of sexual or gender-based harassment or misconduct can be an important part of their healing process. Sometimes the most valuable advice comes from someone the individual already trusts. Whether you are a roommate, parent, faculty, or staff member, you should strive to respond to an individual’s disclosure with the sensitivity and respect they deserve.

Prioritize safety
Make sure the survivor is safe. Help the survivor get to a safe place, if needed. If you are concerned for their immediate safety, call 911 or the University Police (814-863-1111).

It takes incredible strength and courage for someone to reveal that they are a victim or survivor. Listen actively and without judgment. Avoid asking questions or digging for details. It’s best to allow them to control what information they share.

Provide information
Learn about the many support resources available to survivors, including medical care, evidence collection, reporting options, and counseling. The more you know, the better you can understand and support the survivor.

Let them make their own decisions
It is important to provide information but to allow your friend to make their own choices. Offer to accompany your friend to seek the services that they choose. Support the decisions the survivor makes, even if you don’t agree with them.

Remind them you care
Survivors may worry that they will be thought of or treated differently by other people. Let your friend know that that is not the case and that you are there to help them through this. The kind of support your friend gets may determine how quickly the person will heal.

Don’t guarantee confidentiality
Penn State employees who are considered mandated reporters must report incidents of sexual or gender-based harassment or misconduct that may violate Title IX and/or University Policy. If you are required to report the incident, explain your reporting responsibilities to the person who has disclosed the information to you.

Take care of yourself Providing support to a friend in the aftermath of sexual violence can be incredibly difficult. In addition to supporting the survivor, it is very important to take care of yourself. It may be helpful to reach out and talk to someone about how you are feeling.